1. I have no sense of boundaries

I'm constantly going overboard with things without realizing it. I say things at the WORST of times, and most of the time, I'm not sneaky about it, I'll just say it without thinking of the surrounding.

2. I've always been smart. But with things that I enjoy

So I'm smart, but only with things that I choose. Like, I have an interest in medications. Its not a druggie type of interest, just an interest in how they work in the body and what they do. Yet, I've been terrible at school, in particular math. When I'm researching things I enjoy, such as drugs. I read everything about them. I read what they do, how they do it, side effects, drug classification, how its abused, why its abused, etc. Literally. I find enjoyment from that. I'm an especial expert with the drugs I take or have taken (which is what I enjoy researching about, MY medications). I know so much about drugs like Provigil, Xanax, Prozac, etc. I am a walking researching paper lol. I've also given legal advice that had proved me to be right. Now, my friend who has a court date for shoplifting went to me for advice. I'm flattered. But its because I had told him the consequences of shoplifting, and I turned out to be exactly right.

3. I've always had trouble making friends

So people always either think one of two things, or both. I'm nice, or I'm weird. Just today, two people talked about me behind my back saying I'm dumb. Oddly enough, I've never really ever been called that. Everyone has always said "You're a really smart kid. You just don't apply yourself", which is something they probably say to everyone (teachers) (FYI. I am not at all emotionally effected by them saying that, it's actually an odd feeling hearing that. It's like, wow, i've never been called that haha). I've also, I admit it, act years younger than my age. I'm 19, and act like I'm 15. When I was 15, I acted like I was 12. etc. Like there are two different sides of me, fun, immature side and dead serious mature side. I can turn it on and off if i find necessary (AKA, turn it on in serious situations, or when I talk about politics).

4. I had a delay with speaking when I was a baby

So I've been through a ton of emotional pain, and when my dad made it sound like I was a mess up from the beginning. He pointed out that I didn't begin speaking and making sentences till I was like 4-5 years old (approx.).

5. I have trouble when talking in social situations

So my writing/typing english is extremely, extremely good (especially when I apply myself), yet when I want to say something I know how to say it perfectly in my head. It comes out different. Ive had several people compliment my writing skills, and use of grammar (ie. theyre, their, there; swim, swam, swum) , i sound very adultish. Yet when i talk, i honestly wonder if people think i have a serious mental illness just because it doesn't come out the way i do. i don't know why. i know i get really scared and nervous, but even when I'm perfectly comfortable i stutter, mess up, or just sound plain stupid. its embarrassing, really. Thats why using a computer and typing is so much better as it truly displays my intelligence. its like when i have to talk, i really have to work hard on making it sound right and like I'm making sense. whereas typing (esp) allows that figurative 'barrier' to be removed and its just my mind and the words, nothing involving my mind sending the thought to my voice box (analogy).

6. I have Major depressive disorder, but believe to be bipolar

Idk i read somewhere that this is common or something with autism.

7. I don't know how to fully live on my own

i feel like i could. but i would just need help and guidance when it comes to making BIG decisions and doing things like taxes.

8. I talk a lot, yet not at all

People Im comfy with i talk their ear off. anyone i don't feel comfortable around i don't talk at all. I'm shy at first until you get to know me.

9. I had 'tics' that my dad made fun of

it's hard to explain. because i controlled them. If i didn't do it though, it would just annoy me and cause anxiety (ocd?). These ticks included head jerking (as if I'm knodding yes, but instead, a single, hard jerk). Intentional jaw jerking (I would jerk my jaw in a specific direction, and it would make a popping sound). and even (most embarrassing and noticeabe) a whole face facial expression. Like I squint my whole face together (using the facial muscles not hands). i don't have to do it, but it feels better when ido it.

10. My eyes lack depth perceptions

My optometrist told me. I have a hard time with how far something is.

11. terrible hand writing (can't control it, weird ik), beautiful signature.

*took the psych central autistic test and tested 'highly possible' or the phrase akin to that one.

EDIT: OMG i just realized something. back in 7th grade when i moved to my moms school (she's a special ed teacher), she had me be a student aid for another special ed teacher, who primarily served autistic kids and some with down syndrome. Possibly, she had me a student aide for that teacher so she could get a 'second opinion' on whether or not i was autistc? my mom told me she questioned whether or not i had autism.

I also want to add, that as embarrassing as it is to admit, now. Back in 7th grade I would throw 'fits'. I did it in class once, and looking back i feel so embarrassed. but I threw a 'fit' (i was angry and made it vocal and visible) in front of the teacher and a few other students (because it was my turn in line but she wouldnt give me attention when it was my turn, as i was waiting awhile in line). i also had EXTREME anger fits, kinda like something else would take over me.