I think you have to ask if the "help" you're offering is something that your loved one wants. It's hard if they don't want to do something that YOU think they should do. I wouldn't be too pushy. If you can help somehow anonymously, like buying them a newspaper and leaving it at the door, knowing that they wanted the newspaper but couldn't get out to get it themselves, then I think that is definitely something you've done FOR them and not for yourself.

If you take your loved one to the store as a favor and then keep reminding them that you did it and tell all your friends that you took Jane to the store, then you are doing it for YOURSELF and looking for people to say how wonderful you are because you took Jane to the store. Then again, Jane really needed your help and you were there for her so if your ego needs that much stroking I'd say to do it anyway because the alternative is that Jane would never get to that store without you.

You may deserve some recognition for a good deed (and that's ok to an extent) but usually you know when the act is really for the other person and when you are just doing it for the applause.