For me -- like an Trippin said -- I realized after losing the person I loved more than anyone else, I was acting with selfish & destructive behavior. What I was doing was not helping me in any way, not just in my relationship. My mom equated this with my dad's alcoholism -- she tried her hardest to get him to change for the longest time and took personal responsibility when it didn't happen. It took her a long time to realize that it wasn't her fault. He could only change when he wanted to. Unfortunately for my mother, my dad's behavior lead him down a path that lead him further for my mother.

I hope my situation can be different in that I am sticking around and that I am wanting to show him things can be better for us this time around. I had to take ownership that in August, I cut and run from him. So I have to be the one to put the effort in. I can't expect him to pop his head into my life randomly and ask, "Hey...are you wanting to get back together? How can things be better this time?" I have to show him through consistent behavior that things can be better than last time around. He's still around. He is open to communication. He has acknowledged that he's working through his feelings. I feel like he is giving me this opportunity. If he didn't want to talk to me, he wouldn't.

I am happy about all the changes I have been making. Especially taking more time for myself and cutting alcohol out of my life. Therapy has been a very good healing tool. My public display has been elaborate, I can admit. Because I did want him to know how I was evolving. But I understand how it can be perceived on his end as stuffing it down his throat. That wasn't my intention. But it doesn't erase his feelings. I think I just need to be more genuine in my approach and he will respond to my changes in a more positive way.