I remember I tried to commit suicide. Everyone was out to get me. I lost everything, my job, my friends, my academic career. Then I asked the last friend I had if this story of mine was true. I was 100% sure that it was true but how can you ever be 100% sure, really? i She said plainly, "Stephen, I think you have schizophrenia" That moment was unreal because it was the first time I thought I could be wrong and that I might have a mental illness. I quickly sank back into my delusions but I did something embarrassing that landed me in the hospital against my will where I met my psychiatrist for the first time

I'll never forget his questions. He first told me how much I scared the university by going to affirmative action and pressing charges, thinking professors where stalking me, trying to punish me. I felt like everyone, the students, professors, administration were all out to get me and harass me. I was so certain that I was right in this. I could FEEL that I was right. Then my psychiatrist asked me, "but what if you were wrong? What if?" Then I said medicine would be appropriate. The next day I saw him, he had a meeting with university officials and professors because of my claims against them. He said, "Steve, All your professors think your delusional." I went through so much suffering and suicide attempts, I even had a memory impairment from all the stress I went through that I was willing to try anything that may relieve this. So I said I had nothing to lose, lets try medicine.

I was delusional, but how could I have known? The only people I could rely on where my friends, families and doctors. They could see from an outside perspective what I couldn't see because my reason was trumped by emotions, and the emotion that trumped my reason was always fear, which made for a nightmare of a mess. I needed an outside guide to get out of the labyrinth my delusions created.