tl;dr: Has anyone also struggled with sex exploration as an act of youthful insecurity, and eventually been able to enjoy kink (or even just sex!) for all the right reasons?

Context: I left kink a few years ago. In my youth, I made the common mistake of acquiesing to the belief that sex - and lots of it, even better when extreme, is compulsatory for societal approval. I had wrongly percieved it as a requirement to be a better woman (while a girl) because society seemed to deem it so. I passed it off as being sex positive, novel, and liberated when it wasnt, with Ethical Slut in tow. Now nearing 30 with brazen confidence, I've long out grown such insecurities. I dont find myself craving frequent or kinky sex. Loving vanilla sex is what I had always really wanted, and I'm not ashamed to finally admit that and ask for it. I feel really in touch with who I am. Now, I have a loving partner who feels like I should give kink a chance because it's a positive way to express or explore anxiety/insecurity. I feel like I grew out of kink and would prefer to do such important reflective explorations through writing or art. I only perform kink because it's (understandably) uncomfortable for my S.O to be vanilla 24/7, as much as it is for me to perform kink as an older me. He thinks I am being negative towards kink by not trying to find something good in it for myself. I genuinely believe I cant. Perhaps this belief makes me a victim of patriarchy, when in another life I'd get more out of kink.

I'm really interested to hear about other people's positive sexual explorations despite the patriarchy thing, or if anyone can simply relate to my super cliche story

-E