i really don't this has anything to do with patriarchy or feminism or Cosmo magazine telling you what you should be.

You did the kink thing and found that it didn't give you what you really craved; intimacy and love.

Now that you have found intimacy with a loving partner, kink doesn't matter much. You are fine with vanilla. Your partner isn't. You want different things, that's all.

I think you two must have a dialogue about this. Your desire for vanilla may be causing him to feel resentful. His desire for kink may be causing you anxiety. Whatever the outcome, you should both stay focused on YOUR relationship. And stop being so concerned about what society thinks....which, ironically, is what got you into kink in the first place.