hello hello i hope you're doing okay i just want to say: i totally relate so much
almost everything you say is exactly how i feel except that i can put a really good mask on at work so every time i have to quit my job because i'm about two seconds away from killing myself from all the stress and panic and exhaustion no one understands because i seem like such a good, happy employee and so then it just seems like i don't want to work because i'm lazy
i'm also wanting to go on disability but i only have a psychiatrist and no therapist and my psychiatrist is the most uncaring seeming person, he's only interested in seeing what pills might work on me
i don't know what to do, i live at home with my mom and don't pay any bills i have -$5 in my bank account but the thing is my mom's not that well off and has to care for my sister who has down syndrome
she wants to help me but i don't know how much longer she can
if i can't get on disability i don't know what i'll do
there's nothing i can do
it's like i'm just not fit for life
also it's impossible for me to tell people the severity of my situation and especially since if i try explaining it now it just seems (to me at least) like i'm just making it up and exaggerating it so i can get money
i just don't know what to do
i don't know how long i can handle feeling like such a burden on the people in my life
i definitely think you should ask your psychiatrist about it though, the sooner the better in case they do deny you (idk why they would but it's a ****** system) then the sooner you can reapply

i also think that if i was on disability i could try getting a job and slowly working from only a couple hours a week to a bit more and a bit more...
i feel like it could kinda help to ease into something? probably therapists would know more on that
but then there's not the stress of your livelihood on your job because working wouldn't be about the money if you're on disability and i just think the stress of that really contributes to problems with this kinda thing
(at least in my case)
anyway i understand what you're going through and i wish people could be more understanding and helpful in times like this

it's not fun feeling like your worth is tied into how much you can work when you feel like you can't work