well, do i have to type all that stuff you want to hear out or can i just say what you are saying is true? lol.

i think you have your mom's voice in your head is the problem. you are denying yourself services and help because you are believing what she is saying about being lazy. you are not lazy. you have severe mental health issues and they are causing severe dysfunction in your life. your anxiety and possibly adhd is preventing you from keeping a job. your inability to communicate what is going on to your pdoc because you dont believe you are really "that bad off" because "others are worse and more deserving of services" and you are "just complaining" is preventing you from getting the help you need. it may be that your meds arent working appropriately. it may be that your therapist doesnt know the serverity of what you are going thru so isnt treating you appropriately. you may not get disability because the severity of what you are going thru is not documented. (i just get this impression from what you wrote. hopefully you have been clearer with your providers) if you have not, print out what you wrote here and bring it to them. you could use some cbt to work on your thoughts, because you are deserving of more help. if you cant keep a job due to mental health issues, that is what disability is for. the fact that others may be sicker than you is irrelevant. they can apply for it too. it is there for everyone. you are not taking anything away from anybody by applying for it. applying for it doesnt make you lazy. it is about survival. i dont know the process of applying for disability except that it is challenging and you usually get denied a time or two before finally getting accepted so be prepared for that. your chances of getting accepted are better if you have a lawyer apply. there are lawyers who specialize in this who charge nothing up front until you get your claim and if you dont, you dont pay anything. that is how it works here anyway. so look in the yellow pages, they will have it listed in their ad if that is what they specialize in. good luck..........and i am going to give you a hug anyway...lol