Hugged you any way just to start. You are not lazy. And it is okay to be on disability. You might look into finding another physician. One with compassion. They are out there. As far as disability goes, when we had things together we worked for social security. In the disability determination department. 99% of those that file for disability are rejected out right or informed more information is needed. Not sure what state you are in but in most the disability determination is validated once your conditions are confirmed by one or a group of their physicians. They will send you to a head dr and/or a physician.
If people are judging you hang out with someone else. That can be hard if you only talk to family but if they are not supportive than their negativity can be detrimental to your well-being.
It wont be easy. Getting disability usually takes a year or more. Sometimes two or more years. When was at local social services office filing, was stunned to hear a worker explaining to two women from another country that they hadnt been in the US long enough to be eligable. And here we worked for more than 30 years and was having to fight for it. So it is there for YOU because you DO need it.
Sorry this ran long but hope you go for it. Keep in touch & Hang in there!!!