Hi macy, I'm so sorry to hear about your current financial condition, your experience with your mom, and the depression this has culminated to. It's difficult in the midst of such harsh suffering to remember the good, positive things in life. I hope you take comfort in knowing that me (all of us!) are concerned about you.

That being said, you have the ability inside you to find hope. Please don't give up just yet! I personally have self-harmed and have daily thoughts of death. Of course, our circumstances are different but we have a similar diagnosis: underlying depression.

Have you seen or considered seeing a therapist? Have you tried meditation? Or a thought journal? Exercise? (That last one is my least favorite, but it has been shown to boost self-confidence!)

You have battled many hardships, but you will eventually let your thoughts of death pass you by, with proper treatment. I wish you all the best!