Welcome Sammy-sorry you're having to deal with this. It's hard to explain/describe mania to someone that has never seen it-it is good that your boyfriend is trying to understand. Try not to be too hard on yourself & look at this from a medical perspective-having a manic episode in front of someone is really no different than if you were diabetic & had an attack of hypoglycemia-sometimes we do all the right things & we still get sick-if you have a tdoc you might want to bring this up-it could be helpful for a third party that is familiar with your situation to talk with both of you. Take care