Thanks Ava. I believe that you'd hear different explanations on self harm dependant on the person... In my case it's a release and odd how it may sound to others, safer imo than the binge drinking or 2 packs of cigs a day I used to do (I don't drink or smoke at all anymore) That's not to say I encourage it, I don't... Nor am I foolish enough to think there is little risk... But for me personally it's not for self loathing or a cry for help, it eases down panic and Sui ideation which happen when I become overwhelmed.

It is however a problem that I recognise in so much as it freaking others that care about me out. For that reason I am discreet, use self care and space it out.

Hopefully as therapy progresses the 'need/want' will diminish entirely.