I am sorry to hear that you are all going so much. I think it would be good to ask Lauren what she wants to say to the doctors, than write it down and bring it with you when you go. The part I had who would tell us to kill our-self thought she was helping us. She thought we were in too much pain and thought that was a way out. Once we explained to her that that wasn't helping us, that it was just scaring us she seemed to understand. She doesn't tell us that as often as in the past but sometimes she will still say that out of habit. I used to think she was mean but now I believe she thought she was helping. Anyway I hope you all start feeling better soon.