I hope he gets back to you soon with the agenda and information on whether he's inviting anyone else! That does sound weird... if you're friend isn't going to be able to stay for long, and if she's crucial... I wonder if he's going to end up needing to reschedule it? Want to take bets that he tries to reschedule with minimal notice to you? Probably for a day that you've already told him doesn't work!

re: The soccer story, I know, it's crazy isn't it! And it's so interesting to me that we're all pretty much in the dark on how the other gender thinks and communicates! If you ever get a chance, there's a great book out there by Deborah Tannen called, "You Just Don't Understand" (I think that was the one), that talks about how gender affects communication. Very cool stuff. She talks about how there are 2 needs we have with communication: connection and uniqueness, and they're at odds. Women tend to focus more on connection (downplaying differences), men focus more on "uniqueness" or status, and play UP their differences, talk for longer, tell more jokes, basically try to take over in a conversation to establish where they are in the social hierarchy.

That sounded nuts to me... so I had a guy friend read it, and he confirmed it, and was blown away by the female version (he had no idea that we were using totally different models of communication). It's really fascinating, though I don't quite know what to do with it!

And you're right, few women would have sent out an email like my teacher. I give him a little leeway since English isn't his first language, but seriously, I wonder what he was thinking!

I agree that life can be even better when you say no to mean people (!), but oh gosh the confidence thing just seems to trip me up every time. It's so hard! And, I've been at this company for so long... I'm pretty invested in being there. I have an older friend who told me that at this point it really makes sense to stick it out until I retire (pension, medical benefits!) - but it could be 12 or more years until I qualify for that (and I'd still be young, I'd have to retire then find another job I think!).

I'm just honestly sick of working. That feels awful to say, but it feels like there's just never enough time in the day to do everything you need to do to just *maintain* a life - all the cooking, cleaning, exercising, getting proper sleep, and doing a full-time job. On top of that, I've been reading about how important socializing is, and realizing that I really *need* to get out and find more friends. My T is telling me that I need to add "fun" to my to-do list on top of all this. Plus I want to explore other career options (like the writing!). I just don't see how people make it work - it's depressing! *sigh*. I think it would be less stressful if I had work that I loved... or even just work that I felt ok about and that filled up the day but... *sigh*.

So, yeah, I'm now working on the new design program which at least keeps me busy. I've got an idea for an app that I may try to design... it probably won't end up being anything, but who knows... I've become friendly with one of the developers on our team, and I might chat her up and see if she wants to try building it out on the side That could be fun. But one step at a time!

re: My boss, no, I don't think he's being manipulative. He's a pretty emotional guy. I believe that he wants to be a good boss, but he's not at all detailed oriented, and he's pretty unorganized. And, he is finally getting to do fun projects himself after years of really bad management... so I think he's busy and excited and happy with all that, and just not interested in "managing" us at all right now. He wants us to manage ourselves, and for the most part, that's fine... but we can't go out and get work (I can't, anyway) - as that all comes from above him. So, in a sad way, he's being a bottleneck! And people just don't seem to realize it... It's depressing. I hate to say it, but it may also be that I'm just not kissing up enough to him ... I've worked with him for a long time though, and am really feeling over dealing with all his stuff.

For example, at the end of last year... we went a good 3 months without any sort of team meeting! 3 months of just... silence! Is that not crazy? I know that his boss meets with his team weekly, AND does 1-on-1 meetings weekly as well! My boss does NOT do 1-on-1s. Previously boss (re-org that didn't stick, long sad story!) did them 1x/month, and it was really nice to have time set aside to talk, and that guy (who is gone now!) really seemed invested in doing what he could to help us all out with our careers. *sigh*

Anyway, yeah, it's a bit depressing to be interviewing new folks for the team. I mentioned it to my boss and his boss, sideways, in an informal meeting on Friday, and think I might have been a bit too... emotional, maybe? It just sort of exploded out of me, which is never good.

It just feels like there's no future for me in the group that I'm in... so I need to do *something*. But, I'd like to stay with the company for the benefits... so if I don't get a spot in this other woman's team, I'm not sure what I'll end up doing...

re: Turning off the "feeling sorry" feelings... that makes sense! I've been able to do it, rarely, with people I don't know well (basically being able to recognize that all the stuff they're going through is their problem, not mine, and doesn't change what I expect from them) - but it's harder with people I'm closer to, of course! And, that's funny that you were worried about getting that guy in trouble - I would have thought the exact same thing if I were in your position! I hope you can see though that really... he's getting himself in trouble... because he's really not acting very professionally or responsibly! That's not you, it's all him!

Hope you have a good week, and good luck with the meetings!