Lately I've had suicidal fantasies on and off again, but today I had horribly violent imagery of locking myself in my dorm room and sliding a knife down my arm and puncturing the veins until I bled out. I cried, in public. I'm doing better now, but it's terrifying to think my mind can imagine something so horrific. I'm sorry for placing that image in your head, but I cannot hold it in anymore. Sometimes I think I'm psychopathic or something for my thoughts. Don't worry, I'm seeing a therapist and am on medication. I'm just so, so scared that I might do something impulsively. And I can't afford to go back to the hospital again...

I've been lonesome here at college, (I literally have no one I speak to) but I have some good news. My therapist and I are going to appeal to the college and see if I can have a cat in my dorm room. It's a stretch, but we'll see what happens.