Welcome! I'm new too. I feel you on the weight loss and gain issue - I manged to lose 75 lbs over the course of about 3/4 years, but now I've gained back 20 of them. I felt like the same fat person even when I was at the skinniest I'd ever been. I think it's a matter of changing your perspective on how you see yourself. If you want to lose weight, do it, but do it for yourself and not any guy or to change what other people think of you. Ultimately, it's all what you think about yourself that counts. Also, if I ever learn to take my own advice, I'll let you know.

Anyway, just trying to throw out some support and let you know you aren't alone. I hope we're both able to find more help and support here.