As a guy, I find this intriguing, because I thought of it the same way as guy. Didn't think anyone had this same thought to it as I did, but from your perspective. I've came to the same conclusion, but in my experience. I had to admit, about not just being real with myself of understanding a lot of things I have insecurities over and decide to fix them instead of using kink as an outlet.
Tbh, my other insecurity I haven't had enough of it or the experience of I would like just for the fun of it. I feel left out, and rather want to be more influenced by it to help me understand what I like for me out of it.
I'm not too inexperienced with kink, but I definitely see your perspective.

How I now look at kink as an outlet not for looking for the reasons of intimacy or finding yourself. Rather I want to do for the fun of it, let it be an experience just as it is. Than searching any other than that. That's what I chose to do in my experience I wish the best of luck to you.