Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily_Strange
I left kink a few years ago. In my youth, I made the common mistake of acquiesing to the belief that sex - and lots of it, even better when extreme, is compulsatory for societal approval. I had wrongly percieved it as a requirement to be a better woman (while a girl) because society seemed to deem it so. I passed it off as being sex positive, novel, and liberated when it wasnt, with Ethical Slut in tow.
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So long story short, it simply wasn't for you and you were only doing it because of pressure from the subculture you are a part of. Makes sense.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily_Strange
Now, I have a loving partner who feels like I should give kink a chance because it's a positive way to express or explore anxiety/insecurity.
He thinks I am being negative towards kink by not trying to find something good in it for myself. Perhaps this belief makes me a victim of patriarchy, when in another life I'd get more out of kink.
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This is exactly the pressure you just said you quit doing kinky things for in the first place. It's got nothing to do with ... patriachy? ... anyway. This sounds like more of a relationship issue. Like Toolman65 said, you both need to be on the same page and have this conversation. You shouldn't be pressured to do something you don't want to do and there are things you could both be doing to fulfill each others needs without pressuring one another.
Don't blame this on outside forces and make sure you both get what you need from the relationship without feeling pressured or coerced into doing things you don't want to do.