i was very anxious this morning, and i guess i am still a little bit now.... but not as much.

i'm not sure why, but i was convinced i was going to greece- it was the start of a long long episode..

at first i kept thinking that perhaps someone had baught me tickets to greece- but it had somehow slipped from my mind, and the more and more i thought of it, the more i realised that no... they couldn't have. i don't know anyone who would even buy me that sort of thing, i've never left the country, never plan too, and couldn't even get to the airport because of my anxiety

and then i thought it was 1 of my alters who had got the tickets (which would have been the start of something big, ) because i can't aford essentials, so how i was going to aford to pay for a ticket to greace was beyond me

i stayed up all night online looking up greek customs, greek tourist atractions, currency exchange rates, etc. because the voices in my head convinced me.. you have got a ticket to greace

but it all soon got too much- and i started pannicking and screaming.. i don't want to do any of this!. i don't want to get on a plain, i don't want to go to the airport, i don't want to go to greace.. and i end up just staring at the screen with all the greek information on it crying.

i did calm myself down later, and listen to an audio book.. i'm trying not to think much on it- but it's still sort of an issue for me.

i'll be okay