Hello everyone, I am going through a situation that is leaving me with a broken heart. It is a very long story and it has taken 20 years to "write", but I will make this long story short. It is a 2 part story, actually so hang on. When I married my husband after dating him for 2 years, I noticed something very, very, odd and different about him. He had an awkward gait. He was always hyper even when "relaxed". He hated crowds and never walked slowly. He would become irritable in cycles... I even speculated that my menstrual cycles had some kind of affect on him. Eventually I began to put 2 and 2 together. He has a niece who is autistic, so I speculated that he might be autistic. I figured this could run in families. Soooo, I researched information about autism and concluded that he was on the autism spectrum with Asperger's Syndrome. I discussed this with an aunt who was also a psychologist and she was in agreement. I speculated this but he was never officially diagnosed.

About 5 1/2 years ago , he had surgery on his colon to remove a portion that had been diseased through diverticulitis. He also had a fistula removed that had gone from his intestine to his bladder. This fistula caused some of his poop to exit through his bladder. He was a mess and he dealt with severe gut pain on and off throughout the marriage and I sure previous to that. He pretty much ignored it, probably hoping it would one day go away. His step-son and I gave blood for the surgery. I stayed with him throughout his recovery and took time off work to help him heal at home. Well, needless to say the surgery was a big help and he feels so much better for it.

Soon after the surgery however, his behavior worsened . He became bizarre. He seemed to forget things and he made up stories that never happened. I will explain a couple of those stories soon. It seemed like anything and everything made him angry and we spent more time fighting then we did anything else. Eventually he just exploded and wanted a divorce. I told him that he could have his freedom because I did not want him to be with me if he didn't want to be with me. At the same time, I never saw that coming...I thought that he would eventually "calm" down so that we could get on with our lives.

I say that because I always connected the surgery with his extreme behavior but always considered it a form of Aspergers, just more extreme and bizarre. But what did the surgery have to do with this? Before he asked for the divorce I had gone to visit my daughter out of state. He texted me that he thought he was bipolar. I wish that I had had him elaborate on why he felt that way but instead I blew that off and said, no, I don't think you are bipolar , although I didn't really know the symptoms.

Two of the most memorable memory lapses was 1. We had just had intercourse and as we were dozing off , he yelled at me for not having sex with him. So I we had sex again and I asked him " you do realize that we did have sex earlier that night?" and he had no reply. I asked the same question the next day and he still had no reply. 2. He had told me that he saw me stopped by a train on the way home but didn't get a chance to blow his horn at me...I was not stopped by a train at all that day and he insisted that I had.

I just recently learned that my ex, re-married very soon to the time of our divorce to a woman he had met in El Salvodor. He has spent a lot of travelling for work but never to El Salvador. He said that a friend of his from work was paying his way for these tripsl That would have been 2 years ago. He had been pouring thousands of dollars out of his 401K to finance this marriage that he kept hidden from me. In the mean time he had asked me to pay for the divorce because he had no money AND on top of that I have been struggling with the rent just to keep a roof over my head and he left me with a $7,000 payment for his truck. Believe it or not, this is not the man I married. He has never shown himself to be flaky or irresponsible like this. I feel as if I have been thrown from a speeding car. He has also been drinking heavily , I discovered.

Now this is what I discovered about the surgery. Firstly, he had a defective gut practically all of his life, I am sure since birth. That is what gave him his aspergers symptoms in the first place. It is a common condition for kids with aspergers or autism to be born with digestive disorders. Digestive disorders cause leaky gut syndrome and it will affect the brain because some of the intestinal contents can permeate into the bloodstream and make its way to the brain. That is why there is a diet to help this condition called the "GAPS" diet. I believe that it stands for "Gut And Psychological Syndrome'. I believe that the surgery helped his diverticulitis but worsened his leaky gut and that is why I he is experiencing bipolar symptoms.

Now, I am at a crossroads ... where do I go what do I do. I love him and I want him to get help AND I do not want to lose myself in the pursuit. I know we are not supposed to swear, so I won't.

Thanks you for reading this compilation and any helpm words of comfort etc will be much appreciated.