Hi,

Been a long time since I've been on. A few psychotic breaks later and the battle of taking and not taking medication.

I'm back on medication and consider it a saving grace to an otherwise battle fought world inside the mind of a person with serve bipolar disorder.

I've been smoking cigars to kill time, video games aren't much fun, and I'm reading a good book. I guess I need help to decide what to try for next. I've been keeping up with my broadcasting and have many self made recordings.

I'm debating whether or not to pick up weed as a means to continue to pass time. Just bought an E-cigaret, but not buzz. I'm just trying to get a buzz because it brings me peace.

That being said, the last time I was off medication I banished smoking weed in one of my delusions I was casting out the devil and had the reality that I killed his son and now I think if I smoke that I'm going to resurrect him. My battle is between "Heaven And Hell," a podcast series.

I really want to smoke, but I know it's not healthy. I've been clean for three months and now I'm trying to get a part time job somewhere. The talking has gotten back to normal, but I'm past thinking that will ever comeback or maybe it will just need to be stable for a longer period of time. I feel like I've lost my friends and life is just difficult at the moment.

Any suggestions?