This is a human thing, I find it kinda weird. I don't want to cope with it, but I rather accept it the way it is. Like the main thing I don't like dating one person, is not that I feel trapped. I don't feel ready to settle yet. I don't want to get into a relationship and feel like this girl is my backup. I'm not like that, but it's hard to decide how I go about this in today's society. I know this sounds weird coming from me. I've not cheated, and don't like the thought of it or wanted to do it on my previous relationships. I play the gentleman, but I prefer being quiet and reserved, at the same time I'm also going through a transition of deciding of being a woman through my process with that.

Who I always wanted to be is a woman who likes other women, and all I really want is to explore my sexuality more. That's all.. I figured if I settled down which I won't, but I mean having to stick with one person isn't all that bad, but I don't feel ready to do that, because I want to do all I want to do and still after settling down with someone who is accepting and embraces me in my sexuality knowing I didn't choose this person out of lust or that they accept my sexuality and agree upon it not shaming me.

I won't shame her, I don't care. Like that's just you, it's how your body works and it's what you like so I'm not against it or act stupid about it. I am fair and rather things to be equal for me to be emotionally intimate with the person I want to settle down with, I really want to commit to only someone who not only accepts me and wants me in their life, and I do too easily. That when things are rough we are both grown up to handle it head on. Also, that if I like more than one person is that I chose this individual over all of them, because they gave me this freedom, and I have for them, but that's not the real reason I'm with them other than that, I like them as the person they are less than what they do, what they like, what we agree disagree, and anything else. The whole package matters to me.

I took a very critical look at the things people don't understand, like people think that when I say I like one more than one person in a relationship seems uncommon, I call bs completely to anyone who thinks like that and truly believes that everyone is born monogamous.

I mean I do like it a lot, I want it to fit the way I feel most comfortable whether it's qualities I don't like in others and we cancel out or we naturally very close I don't rush anymore rather just stop and not bother talking. More or less, I like people who are more open minded and outgoing. I'm not particular on looks, as long as I'm physically attracted it doesn't matter.

I am used to assuming, and I don't like doing it, just from people who didn't understand assume. I am not going to be fair and say, like I should date all these people at different times and like all these people, having all these side chicks while I'm dating the girl I like the "most". When in actuality, I don't like having a bunch of girls, I'm not really the ladies man. I feel my lack in confidence did hurt me on that one, but it doesn't mean I can't do it well. I just don't do well talking with people who are ignorant no matter who they are. They are a brick wall, so my point in that was saying. If I liked 5 different girls I like to date, be intimate friends either through sex or just talking cuddling and no sex at all. I think it's ok, if I was dating someone, the other person have the same freedoms. I can't say a word, I won't say a word.

That puts people off because it scares them. I can see their point, but it's just how I am. I'm different it's put me in a minority. People that were friends with me used to put my child sexual abuse to blame and my previous therapists that I'm like this. I'm somewhat kinky most of the time when I want to be. I'm not really caring about it whatsoever.
They assume I just want to get laid more, and yes I do, but I don't want to date someone and feel sexually trapped again. Sorry not doing it again. I was in the closet so many years all my life, I'm not going back.

But naturally this girl I like seems to be a good fit. I wanted to be on point so it wouldn't be moved that. I have a current developing relationship with this girl. Who is very sweet, I'm not letting her go and I've made more of an effort to be myself now because she's given me room to feel comfortable to do so. I feel this is going to be a long lasting trend of our trust to each other. I've done the same with her no problem. I find this is going somewhere, sadly, my insecurities from past mistakes and feeling closeted might hold me back later, I think I should work my way slowly before getting to things like that. I do have a great game plan, but it does bother me. I would like to see that it gets to a point of comfortable that we aren't afraid to be ourselves as weird as we are. At the same time, I like to be in the middle. I like to be overly affectionate one minute and the next kinda not so much. That balance is much better. I hated it before when it was all of sex when I wanted a relationship, if she just wanted me as a friends with benefits she could of left it as that and I would gladly take that upon, but no I dated girls who hid the fact that they are so sexually repressed and don't understand much about how they shouldn't care what others think about them in that regard when they are in a mutual consensual thing. Instead of looking as in, I'm having sex with a lot of dudes I hope I'm not a *****, and yeah before I go any further let me clarify.

I find it horrible that pressures from men, the society, and the media really did a lot damage on the girls I dated. I mean they are victims in some way, but they were very abusive to me and took their aggression out on me instead of being honest with themselves and told me the truth how they wanted it to go, but I didn't know any better either. I think I was just learning myself. So there isn't anyone to blame so I'm not blaming anyone.

Ok, that I really had a tough time coming out as trans and bi, because of these girls did slut shame me a lot, even though what they did would draw the same attention onto them. They had sex for all the wrong reasons and it damaged me the most in some and others both of us.

It's a tricky thing, but I figured it out. It starts from me, but I find that me being very different and knowing how far my kink well goes to. It's very hard to find anyone who is worth bothering to date, or even have a casual friendship without one girl not making her intentions clear.

I figure I have a very hard time, drawing the line when to make my intentions clear or play hard to get game. Like I like to do it at the same time, but I think my honesty has served me well and hurt me more.

I don't know. This is a communication issue.