Yes, I have thought about it many, many times. I just fear that taking what I would call a "rescue" dose would set me back in healing.

My theory about withdrawal symptoms is that our brain/body as a whole is craving to get fed another dose which seems totally insane after being off 22 months and counting. A person can heal from most any kind of trauma after a year, but 2 years...? I cannot imagine why my body IS still craving it.

I am sure it is way more complex than I think it is. I have such tremors all the time, not obvious shaking but just enough that I feel it. About a year ago when I was going through this and having more emotional anxiety about the holidays, I took a couple of rescue doses. I feel guilty about those and regret them all the time. I fear that they might be why I am still not recovered.

Every day is a struggle. It took me until 3 pm to feel human, get dressed and get a shower. So I went out driving to return a package and immediately realized that all the traffic was going to be too much for me. I was able to only do one errand at a store only 3 miles from my house and had to go back home. You cannot imagine how frustrating it is to take all day to get ready to go somewhere then just be completely unable to do what you would like to because of anxiety. When I get in traffic, I get this illogical fear that something awful is going to happen. I will pass out at a traffic light, cause an accident or someone will hit me.

It's a really disgusting feeling. You do anything to avoid that. The more I stay in, the harder it is to get out and drive. I used to love to go places. I would spend all day out going here and there, now I can hardly do what I have to do at places very near to my house. This has gone on long enough!!!