the main reason for posting this poll is to get a sense of how many others feel the anxiety i do with the attachment to a therapist and the "in-love" feelings I sometimes have... so that when I feel it I can try to remind myself it isn't just me and that I'm not alone and that, in some ways, it is normal. "Normal" is one of those nebulous words anyway.

SecretGarden, there is no deadline for her responses.
i think i wanted to leave that up to my therapist because, in a sense, it is a "silent question" or a "test". i want to see how quickly she responds, how high in the priority list it is for her, or in another way how high she puts me on her priority list. and in a more oblique way, how enthusiastic she is about having me around again.

but, in some ways or maybe many ways, it really isn't a fair question or test. when I gave it to her I told her to do at her leisure, so if she doesn't answer it as quickly as I'd like...well then it is my fault for using phrases like "at her leisure" and not being more specific.

and if i'm not happy with the speed of her response, it will give me another lesson on speaking my needs. you can't get your needs met unless you speak them. others can't guess. this idea i know logically, but emotionally it is hard to want to speak my needs when I literally loath myself and feel things about myself that we are explictely asked not to speak about in these forums.

my therapist has often spoke of a child's need to test their parents, to test their "love"? and i think i test my therapist a lot. though i'm sure at least half of them are not even conscious tests, until i have had time to think about my actions later on and think to myself: "Was I testing her again?" and I'm sure I have no malicious intent in my tests (well pretty sure).

i literally only gave her the questions a week ago.

i guess if i wasn't prone to doing stupid things all the time and didn't self-sabotage all the time, I wouldn't need therapy.