Thank you everyone, for the replies and hugs - you people are great!

sideblinded, my mother's father was an alcoholic who beat up his wife and sons when drunk.. My mum is the eldest of five children and seems to have taken the role of a caretaker in their family. I feel that the same patterns of behaviour and feelings of shame transferred to our family, with the 'elephant in the room' being, not alcoholism, but the fact that my dad is either incapable or unwilling to Love.. I feel my mum's never been able to accept this fact, and it was something we all had to try and hide, and on the other hand, I felt my mum wanted me to try and change my dad into something he was not. So, there we were, pretending to be a happy family to the outside world when in reality, it was hell..

At the moment, I'm trying to pluck up the courage to attend an Al-Anon meeting like my therapist suggested to see if it might be for me.

As for the worrying - I just had a conversation with my T yesterday about how worrying (or any other activity) can become 'chronic' and in a way, an 'illness' when you do it for a long time. For a while now, I've wondered whether I even want to be happy because I'm always stressing about something - and to my utter bewilderment, I think I've realised I'm scared to let go of all the things that are making me feel awful, yes - but they're also the only things I've ever known - I'm good at them and know who I am when doing them. My T said that it can be fear of 'What will I do with my time if not this!' So, basically, I need to learn a whole new way of life..!!!

vital, I haven't seen the film - will have to find it somewhere! Looks quite hilarious and maybe one of those comedies that ends up having a surprisingly deep meaning to it..

Thunder Bow, absolutely - can't please everyone.. I've been like a human chameleon for most of my life, changing according to who I'm with.. It's maddening But while it's self-defeating, the other alternative of just being myself holds the risk of not being accepted, and I've felt like this would be confirmation that I truly am unlovable - which is how I've felt since my parents didn't accept me for me.. Gotta learn that even when people don't accept me, it's not the truth about me..