Huge relapse ...

I did this because I would be going skiing and I wanted to put the blister packs in my old med bottles. So I had a bottle of concerta, knowing I was still ahead of the prescription anyways so I thought well ill experiment with snorting 60mg of the instant release because I've never done that before then I snorted 150mg of the concerta then I snorted another 300mg through the night.

I just snorted 80mg half an hour ago and I feel stoned. I smoked cigarette with such a dose to see how it effects me and I felt drunk I wasn't walking in a straight line but I noticed that it feels normal for me to say good morning to people and I feel like I can walk without a care as if I'm walking properly and better than everyone else and that I seem to be the completely opposite of paranoid.

I had a few hours quatsi psychosis with no paranoia what's so ever just a little. I wrote about how there's another dimension with a formula to fix our flawed universe and I will find tha formula because it so much sense but when I talked to people online they said I'm going off the rails again though I was typing very calmly.

A lot dripped down my throat so I'm going to get more sedated. I used to take 50-100mg oral and it would knock me out.

My nose was bleeding but always stopped. I think because of the constricted blood vessels.

I think I lost a lot of weight. I wanted to lose a little bit jus to be more fit but this is enough I'm done.

It was just an experiment and I won't be doing this again. I dot know why I did it I think because I'm only good at writing rhymes and ideas when I'm high.

It's come to the point where I dont think of my actions I just do. I never had that feeling before well rarely. The brain just wants to try something and see what I can get out of my delusions of grandeur. I say well I already took 5 so I'll take 4 more and that means I failed so what's the point I'll take another 4. But now that I have used more than anyone else that I know of ever has and abused it so heavily for such a long time, I feel like I don need to but maybe it's because I'm intoxicated idk I'll have to find out ill report back.

This isn't me it's a mental illness it has to be I'm such a good kid I respect authority and such but even the guys at work said "you're too much of a nice kids to be smoking". But it's insane how people have addictive behaviour for different reasons.

I'm 100% sure I'm addicted either I just extremely curious and I always try everything (I won't do any other hard drugs) so I don't feel ashamed. I have a lot of experience with "Tweeking" and I eat before I do it, get enough water, make sure I don't he into a psychosis inducing situation etc.

I just live in the middle o no where and it's cold outside.

I am seeing things but just red dots yellow flags black dots but this always happens if I go even two days without sleep not from stimulants. Few people know that methylphenidate is actually a mild psychedelic which is why I am able to free verse rhymes fluently and write down things that come from my complete subconscious mind.

If this is just an experiment, I will not take the remaining pills until the prescribed day comes. If not, I'm giving them to an adult that I trust to say I've been taking one or two more than usual and I shouldn't because if I mention such an extreme addiction of concerta that probably no one has ever seen before while going on for such a long time, they'll think I'm incapable of being responsible, it will go on my record and I may not be able to get certain jobs when I'm older such as a doctor which I'm working so hard by studying without the pills because I run out.

I know addicts don't admit their problem but I truly believe that I am not addicted jus like how they eventually found out that I don't have an alcohol problem. I jus. Drank on chat rooms on cam and talked to other people tha where intoxicated or others that just like to meet new people.

There's is no way in hell that my psychiatrist will prescribe for such a person that has disrespected him and made him look bad if I tell anyone for abusing it so heavily and horridly. I'm being honest with what I am saying but a lot I people just don't believe me that I do need this medication to function because I think I have severe chronic fatigue and I know I have severe ADHD it's obvious but before I abused it, I said that anyone that abuses their medication deserves for it to be taken away. It's true but not true when I think like this I now know what it is like to be on the other side.

I people read this, they would be disgusted with me of how I could do such a thing by dangering my health, life and being selfish for my loved ones. If people would only take the unbiased time to understand another's situation when they are a psychiatric patient, it would mean everything to me.