I feel weaker and weaker every day. It's like my energy being sucked out of me through a straw - slowly, but every day a little more goes down and a little more. I have no energy. Even if I get a good night's rest, it doesn't make a difference because I never feel like it. On top of this I have these frequent headaches. Depression has also really dulled me down mentally - my capacity to think and process isn't what it used to be. And it just gets worse. I wake up in the morning and think, with dread, Another day... At this point, no, I really can't see myself going out and getting a job in the spring, or going back to school. Not when I feel like this.Can't see me doing anything in the future. Now, with this ice storm having dumped it's crap on us, it's become impossible to get help for myself. I'll think about certain things and burst into tears. I feel big and clumsy, I hate the sound of my voice, I hate being me and being trapped in this body, this house, this life. What's worse, nobody notices - or rather, they notice, but they either think it's an act or they don't care. I know it has to be obvious that I am not well, because I never smile or laugh and I just feel as though my whole facial expression is pain. But no one asks me if I'm okay or how I'm feeling. Only people I really see are my parents and they are oblivious. I think they think if they pretend not to see it then it will go away. It won't. I wish it would. Geez, I am sorry for the big long winded post, you guys. I'm so depressed I can't even write poems anymore, the only thing that's helped me in the past. Can't stick to my journal writing either. I think, what's the point if we all die anyway. I have no illusions, I know my writing will never be published of 'big'. It probably will never even make it out of this house. Like me. I'm sorry for this rant, you guys. This is the worst I've ever felt. I thought I felt bad before - hah! I didn't know what 'bad' was...