i think my intrusive thoughts come from the fact that i was never at ay age not abused by others that i just put aside my true thoughts, and held them inside all the years for fear from vindictiveness and retribution. i had a friend who was so vindictive and another that was just plain mean and selfish, that i grew around their actions towards others i thought they would harm me in some way emotionally. i didn't at the time have alot of friends so i ended up just hanging around them, and they used to fight over me too. my ex, who is my sons dad, was such a jerk i would give him the finger behind his back and he caught me once and tried to bend my finger backward.