((((justy)))

well the good news in all of that is that it appears you've taken another step toward reckoning with yourself, and exploring what is going on inside of you.

yes, eating disorders and si are very closely tied. in fact, many people who have eating disorders also si and vice-versa.

i think most of us here understand that si is not only about self-destruction. si is also a sign that a person wants to get better. it's a way of coping. it's a way to express very deep feelings about serious pain and confusion and anger, when a person can't seem to find another way to express them and vent them. also, for some people it is an ALTERNATIVE to suicide. i get the impression that your eating disorder may serve the same sort of functions for you. maybe it is a way for you to cope with your terrible pain. you are in a LOT of pain. and it really is hard to find ways of expressing it. your eating disorder may be a way that you have developed for helping you cope, and feel some control. and maybe it is an alternative to killing yourself. (i don't know, only you can figure that out).

just some thoughts for you.

((((((justy)))))) i'm pulling for you in spirit over here, even though we are far apart.

your friend,
Angela

-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-