Quote:
Originally Posted by zinco14532323
I am afraid we may be forced to accept an incomplete understanding.
Pretty much the same situation I am facing and very difficult. My biggest problem is not the depression but how it affects my life. How do I plan for the future? How big do I set my goals and how big of commitments do I make that I may not be able to complete or honor. It would not be fair to the people I commit to if I end up not being able to honor it.
I cannot even identify the triggers that set it off except for financial stress which is a big one. For that I have lots of different options for addressing, thank god. How can I even choose to overcome triggers I can't even identify? How do I shape the parameters and boundaries of my life even if I totally accept depression as part of it and am at peace with it???
Today I am feeling very good and making lots of moves. Next week I might be very depressed and all my confidence gone about the moves I made today.
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I completely understand the frustration of not knowing what your triggers are, I had no idea until this year why I should have periods of depression. I assumed because there is a family history (on both sides but stronger through the maternal line) that was largely where the problem lay and I suppose it still does have a part to play.
Nor are the changes at work the problem, I can see they will pass, either I will get another job doing something different or I'll end up jobless, I accept that much and I will deal with the financial fall-out as and when it happens. However, the insight that the changes at work brought is the real issue.
In challenging why I was so reluctant to change, I ran head first into a deeply supressed childhood trauma and honestly, I'd rather believe that there was no psychological basis to my depression and stay in blissful ignorance. I have two choices, turn my back on the trauma, accept it is there and not look back or face the trauma head on and embrace it. I'm not brave enough to commit to either course right now and a third option presents itself, denial - my recollection is faulty and I am misinterpreting a distant memory. Is it ever OK to accept and embrace denial?