Don't apologize for rambling. we all need to vent sometimes.

I wonder if his behaviour towards you is learnt. How did his father treat his mother?

The DVD episode should be a red flag of his true feelings towards women , not just you.

Whatever the truth is, it does not excuse his treatment of you. Why does he treat you this way? BECAUSE HE CAN.

The balance of power is skewed in his favor. He believes that because he is the earner in the family, his needs come first. He has manipulated you into agreeing with him. As long as you play your part of being the submissive, everything is better. When you confront him, he whips out "PTSD" or whatever. You fall for it and the cycle continues.

He may be a great person, but he is a lousy partner. He neglects your spirit. He denies you physical comfort - until HE is horny- and is dismissive of your feelings.

You are being abused. His actions coupled with your apologizing/ rationalizing/ justifying and excusing of said actions leads me to that conclusion.

"But emotionally it's like he's a spoiled ten-year-old. Which is exactly how he acts around his mom, who just takes it." Hmmm.... Why does she take it?

More to the point; Why do YOU take it?