Hi 8thStreet, I may be too far off track here.........but the way I prefer to see it
Let's replace good AND bad, for............their needs/preferences AND your needs/preferences (I like that better!!), and yes there is going to be a bit of an overlap there, because I don't think it's as "black and white" as that.

So your personna (the "good" part) sounds more about meeting what you think they might want, looking good to them, impressing them, a lot more about them than about you???

Although the overlap may be where the personna drops.......when they're happy/comfortable/digging you, and you're actually happy/comfortable/digging them.

And the alternative, the focus moreso on your needs/preferences (the "bad" part, which I refuse to call bad ). The side where you do want to be alone more, you want to do things on your own/by yourself, the side where some things do make you irritated.

Now keeping a relationship in the overlap bit all the time would be great, but let's face it a little unrealistic for anyone!!!!! So I'd say the balance you're looking for is there, but realistically in general it needs to level out overall between your needs and their needs. Sometimes it will need to be all about their needs, and sometimes it will need to be all about your needs in certain situations, but you both need to feel you're giving/you give each other something/equally overall/longer term/"in the bigger picture".
You know what I mean, sometimes they'll be there for you and sometimes you'll be there for them in different ways.

And the situation with the movie.........well if you know that it will involve you just watching the movie with her, and you're going to feel uncomfortable from when it finishes/you'll really want your alone time/you'll want her to leave and she might take offense.......then until you feel more comfortable with her........don't do the movie, instead go out and do something you both enjoy, have a meal out with her, chat with her then........she's happy (hopefully!!!), you're happy (hopefully!!!).........her needs/preferences met, your needs/preferences met.........success!!!

And at some point in the friendship/relationship why not just explain to her that you do like/need a certain amount of personal space.......give her examples.........and let her know real clearly that it's about you not that you don't like her/don't want to be with her etc, just make it really honest and sincere though, hey??!!

Maybe I did go a little off track there actually???!!!



Alison