I have seriously found that because I had no one to share my memories with, there was nothing to keep them alive other than some photographs that were taken from my childhood that triggers back some of the memories but without the pictures, I have no concept of time line. I can't even put together a time line from 1994 to 2003......but I can almost give you detailed to the minute details of the 5+ days of trauma I went through with the home care person who I caught abusing my mother who was dying of cancer.....mostly because of the police report & because my brain kept going over the details & wouldn't shut up along with the nightmares.

One of the earliest memories & not even sure how accurate it really was because I was only around 3. My great grandmother was dying & she was in what they called a sanitarium. It was in a building that was on the side of a hill & it had a huge long open room with windows overlooking the valley & all the beds were lined up along the inside wall.....remember the horrible smell. Then my great grandma died. I don't remember the funeral but I do remember the parkway outside her house where we were at after the funeral........no idea how accurate or not that memory was.

My other memories start around 5 when I took my first plane ride in a prop plane before jets........when it took off from Los Angeles AP, it took off over the ocean & circled back. I was sure the plane was going to fall into the ocean because nothing at that angle could stay where it was.....it had to slip out of the air & I was sure we were going to splash into the ocean any minute but we didn't......heading for Topeka Kansas, those planes weren't able to fly OVER storms but ended up going RIGHT through the middle....& I remember lightening flashing outside the window. It didn't hit the plane or anything.....but right after that, I looked out & one of the propellers quit turning ......they they said that they had to shut down the one on the other side of the plane to balance it out ......4 engines now down to 2.......didn't sound like good odds to even a 5 year old.....but we made it to Kansas City were my summer adventures began.

At that same age of 5, I remember we had gone out to some park like Discanso Gardens or something & my parents wanted to hold my hands.....for some reason (I still haven't figured out exactly why), I had felt so embarrassed by them that I didn't want anyone to even KNOW that I belonged to them so I pulled away & walked as far away from them as I could. I still wish I could come to know exactly why I felt as embarrassed by them as I did....all my life actually.....but not sure what triggered it into my knowledge in the first place at such a young age. Not having any siblings to share any perceptions with or memories with.....I haven't the foggiest idea what triggered those feelings....I know exactly why later on, but those thoughts were too sophisticated for a 5 year old.