Today I envisioned cutting and hanging myself during class, and the imagery was so brutally vivid I almost broke down in front of everybody. How much longer can I convince myself that these thoughts will fade in time? How can I sustain any hope? These terrible fantasies of self-destruction spring up nearly every day and I begin to dissociate from reality. I'm so scared. I can't function anymore. Schoolwork is the absolute least of my worries. The days are getting longer. I talk to nobody, and nobody talks to me (except teachers when I have to).

Humans are supposed to naturally avoid thoughts of death - nobody wants to die. Neither do I, so why can't I stop thinking about it?