I've been grappling with wanting to hurt myself off and on through my whole life but have hardly acted on it until this past year. I'm 28. In the past year, I have been hospitalized three times, twice for wanting to overdose and once for actually taking an overdose. I called for help all times. It seems as soon as I decide not to do one thing to hurt myself, I come up with something else. This is so hard to understand because I've always been a perfectionist strait-A student and I am very successful in a very competitive career. I've got great friends, great hobbies... I have so many things going for me - so why do I do this?

But I digress. So about a year ago I had a couple episodes where I scratched at my wrists with blunt knives but didn't draw blood. A couple months ago, I was in a stressful situation. I was thinking about it at home, and before I knew it, I took a razor out and did one quick cut across my wrist. When I saw the blood I started freaking out, almost like I didn't know what had happened, like someone else had done this to me. I was crying and washing myself. It was a small cut but it scared me... but it also made me feel good because it was a physical expression of how torn up I felt inside.

So my question is this. I know this is not a good road to get started on. Right now I feel fine, but how do I avoid this the next time I get really distressed? I seem to always resort to either wanting to kill myself, wanting to injure myself or not eating. I am seeing a therapist and working on things but when push comes to shove, this is where I end up. Any advice from those who understand this better?