Hmm, this is pretty heavy stuff. Many times I have thought about suicide because like many of you I turn anger against myself--and suicide would be the ultimate self-punishment. But never in a million years could I ever carry through with it for the simple reason that I'm a born again Coward!

But now having read some of your comments about how your loved ones' suicides have impacted you, I with shame confess that I've never ever thought about suicide in terms of leaving my loved ones in total devastation--that simply would never occur to me 'cause I can't think of a single person who'd feel my loss beyond a very short period of time--so for me, it just wouldn't be an issue.

The reason I mention this is that do you think it's possible that your loved ones felt the very same way--that they weren't trying to punish anyone other than themselves--that they didn't FEEL they were loved--feeling unloved and uncared for was THEIR reality. I dunno. The brain is so terribly complicated--and we haven't scratched the surface of meaningful discovery. Funny, eh wot? We can "afford" to spend trillions on war, devastation and any number of other hurtful things--but the brain from which EVERYTHING emanates gets pittance in funding.