Two years ago on 12/28 I discovered my husband of 11yrs was having an affair. We separated immediately , my choice. Later I found out the woman was pregnant. Since then there has been a series of events. I filed for divorce, had to get a restraining order, terminated visits and finally initiated "no contact". We have 2 daughters ages 10 and 12. He is not allowed to have visitation per therapist's recommendation. I am currently in therapy also.
Up to the time of our separation my marriage was I thought ok. I work full time, come home and cook and clean and take care of my girls. I had no idea anything was wrong. When I asked him why he did it his only answer was "for fun". Since then all he has done is constantly asked for forgiveness, told me over and over he can't forgive himself. That he's not ok. That he didn't realize the seriousness of his actions and the consequences they would bring. He's gotten mean and aggressive at my refusal to work things out. He's had erratic behavior. Skipped on earlier visitation agreements. Due to this I had to suspend any and all visitation and initiate no contact. He has been paying child support on time though, through a third party anyway. I work and have taken full responsibility in the care of my daughters.
On Friday I did not go in to work. I got a call from my co worker. My husband stopped by my office and dropped off flowers and a letter. I had the letter sent to me. I have seen or spoken with him in 6mo. I moved and changed my number so that none of our mutual friends, acquaintances or his family would know my whereabouts. He found me.
In the letter it says he's been looking for me and that he wants to see me. He says he's not doing good and that this year he will not abandon me or the girls. He asks for forgiveness like 3 different times. He says he wants to see me one last time before he dies. I don't want to tell anyone about this. Not my family or friends or therapist. I know what everybody is going to say. I don't know though. I want to talk to him but at the same time I am scared. I would like to be able to say no but can't guarantee that I will. I want to see if I can look him in the eyes and discern his true intentions. I feel like he's a narcissist. I would like to be able to face him and yet I don't think that would solve anything. I still love that man and I don't know how to make our marriage work after this. He says things and never follows through. I don't know...