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Ipse_Dixit said: but i always have to leave therapy and leave her behind.

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i can totally understand how painful it is to let go, even just at the end of every session... physically leaving T behind is always very hard... it has, and i am sure will continue to be, something i struggle immensely with... but more so lately, i am finding it easier to take her with me, in my mind, and in my heart at least...

T is on vacation til next Wednesday and although this past week has been difficult, i have taken a great deal of comfort from thinking about the stuff she says, the warmth and understanding i see in her eyes... i imagine her smile and how it makes me feel on top of the world making her laugh...

i have tried especially hard this break to focus on all the positive stuff we have in our relationship... and it has made a difference... but at the same time i know what you mean... about leaving her behind... i don’t always manage to think good things... a lot of the time i get angry... upset... frustrated... desperate...

but i guess what i am trying to say is, you don’t leave her behind... not completely...

because i struggle so much with worrying if T will come back after the break and things will be ok between us, i think one of the things that has helped me most this break has been that i finally managed to find enough courage to ask her to write me something on the back of one of her business cards... i said it could just be something like “you will be ok, and we will be ok, and i will see you again on Weds 30th June”... and she said she would be pleased to do that...

then when i saw her on the last session before the break, she gave me her card, and when i turned it over she had squashed two short paragraphs onto it! i was really touched and have kept it close to hand the whole time she has been gone... it helped more than i could have imagined...

but anyway, i am sorry to have gone off on a tangent... just want you to know that in time, you can take T with you, not in the way you want, but its still a powerful, positive way... that can feel great...