Hi Hvert...

That's crazy that his group is winning awards! Your theory sounds good... good luck tomorrow, it sounds like it should be interesting, at least. Although, if they all agree that they need to figure out what they need... I wonder why nobody said, "hey, why don't we hold off on bringing Hvert in for the interview, and spend the time tomorrow getting clear on what we need?" ?

My opinion... personally, is that it's better to learn to identify bad situations (where "bad" is defined by you, not universal) and to gracefully avoid them, without burning bridges or offending people. But, that's just my opinion... I think it would drive me crazy to try to deal with all this stuff, and I'd end up feeling not very respected and that would make it harder for me to do good work for other, potentially better clients. I'd want to find better clients that respect me, treat me well, and have interesting work to do - because that would help me keep up my skills, as well as help with the mental stuff. But I tend to be a bit of an idealist, and I also think the equation changes depending on how badly you need a job!

But, that's ok - you said you're doing this for practice! Can you practice trying to consciously relax and just "flow" with it? Sort of mentally detaching from this guy's craziness, and just letting him be who he is, without letting it make you crazy too? It's hard, but I think if you can practice it here (when it maybe doesn't matter much), it's something that could carry over into other areas of your life - maybe?

That's so depressing to hear that the "busy" feeling doesn't go away! *Argh!* Though, I swear I felt more relaxed on my vacation (until the end, when I realized I didn't get enough done!) - maybe there's some hope there somewhere. I also just listened to a thing by Martha Beck on "deep rest", and think I might try that... I'm not sure yet if it makes sense (I just finished listening tonight), but it sounds like a type of meditation which might be a bit easier for me to get my head around (the usual kind hasn't quite clicked for me). If you're curious, she references this site ( Intentional Resting | ) - and I think the site's creator has some youtube videos (Dan Howard). I haven't checked them out yet though, so they could be a bit out there

Thank you for the kind comments on not selling myself short. That makes sense, and is definitely something I struggle with. It's so hard to balance everything though - part of me thinks that, especially now that I'm trying therapy again, keeping the work part "stable" while I focus on the mental stuff might be helpful. Maybe. I still haven't heard back from that woman, it's been at least I week (I think?) and I'm not sure if I should reach out to her, or just assume that it wasn't a match. It's just so weird - as she had two people she knows and has worked with both give me glowing reviews, and one of those people is familiar with the work I sent over (and liked it). It doesn't quite add up that my work would be so terrible that it would completely scare her off!

In the meantime, my job has been less terrible. I'm working on learning the design tool, and helping with interviews which has been interesting. I talked to the other folks involved in the interviews about the issues of not having enough for current employees to do, and I was surprised that the one woman is facing a similar problem right now (she's the one who's a level above me, so I thought she was being better utilized). So she's aware, and has raised the issue up, that we need to be careful with bringing new people on, and make sure we have enough work for everyone.

Gosh, doesn't that sound crazy! We're fighting over work . All the managers above us should be dancing in circles to have such wonderful employees!!!

Thanks... and good luck tomorrow! I can't wait to hear how this unfolds!