male and what hurt the most the only people who believed me were a few school teachers, the local police, and my 2nd therapist. My first one thought I was lying, after the evidence deemed to be otherwise. They didn't have any evidence directly to my perpetrator who was my next door neighbor. He was very abusive and beat me a lot and told me how I can't amount to him and to get to his level he has to beat me up because he cares. That was basically what his point of control was through fear and pushing around as his little punching bag. He was 12 I was four his father beat him all the time and I thought he was my very first best friend. He was using me to take his aggression out on me.

It took me a year to say it publicly in class when the good touch bad touch people came in around 1999. At that time, people were so ignorant and didn't believe me at least the authorities and child protective services did take it seriously. My parents found out picked me up from school and the police about 12 cars came to my house and some lady interviewing me if it was my parents or a relative. I said no, and I remember the fear I still had of afterwards feeling that he will kill me for sure and my family. He was given a restraining order and if he was a 100 yards from me which he couldn't avoid living next door, because I liked him as a friend and was very confused feeling I lost someone close but at the same time so scared. So he was kicked out of his school and house he was in middle school I just started 1st grade I came out in that september of that year.

What made it so truamitizing to this day everyone persecuted me and made my life hell. I got in lots of fights everyone calling me a "fag", "cry baby" "*****" "rapist" "*****" mainly, because the guy who was my perpetrator still had control on the situation. His parents started these lies and rumors to cover his actions and to make it seem he is a perfect child with straight A's and our parenting skills are amazing and our perfect son getting a football scholarship won't ever do such a thing. That my parents were thieves and liars and I'm not even making this up we have plenty of photos of me having bday parties my parents spent probably 300 dollars including reserving the venue for my 8th bday. No one showed up except 3 people and one kid was paid to do it.

I had my early life been exposed to that and then people persecuting furthering my current issues.
On top of many things that I didn't say in here that would be too long to explain. I got raped by two other people 2 more times for similar reasons. I was too naive and trusted people way too quickly and easy.
I still have this problem. In my social interactions with people. I unintentionally come off as clingy for some others, weird, others the best person they've ever met. I don't really hide my intentions and that's hurt me a lot.

My situation is unique, my therapist current one I had to explain as a child when I said everyone hates me no one loves me, wasn't perceived. It was my childhood, it definitely felt like it when parents and young kids in a whole community shunned you for your own struggle. I wanted to attempt suicide around 8. I think I did at 7 years old, but backed out. Then I did again around when I was 15 to 17 years old.

I think I wanted to burn or hang myself when I was 7 I don't remember on that exactly.

Since then, my trust is non existent with anyone and it takes a lot out of me to make myself trust someone. Eventually when I can, it's amazing, but I fear of it being too slow even though she is a very sweet girl.

Sex and body images have been the hardest parts about being me, at the same time.