The thing that scares me about sex, isn't the act of it. I have plenty of confidence in myself, but some of my fetishes as a side effect from my pain troubles me deeply. I am very masochistic sub fetishes from it and it hurts a lot and isn't fun for me it's quite triggering. Even though I like it, I hate it more than the highs it gives me. I dated girls for that reason. It made things worse obviously. It created a distorted view of sex and myself as like a barrier I'm still struggling with it a lot. At the same time my body issues, I wanted to be hot attractive guy as you get, or a girl a pretty girl either average or somewhat above average looks. I know that sounds strange, but I feel much more comfortable if I was one. I had this transgender part of me before this happened, but it didn't come out as a need till during and after my abuse. Recently coming out felt amazing huge step for me.