I use self harm as a form of pleasure not cutting, but beating myself. It's been around since the abuse. As in abuse my life struggles of it that it finally stopped I would say 2 or 3 years ago officially.
It's why I didn't date. People are so hard pressed on making me tough and shoving what's been killing me down my throat and to be quiet be happy in the moment. I'm always not noticed or addressed that I need so I don't see it happening ever. This has made me want to die young, because I'm still struggling with this a lot. I'm not broken, but I do need nurturing I didn't receive when I needed it the most.

It wasn't my fault I didn't choose or want to be like this as quoted by family and friends who are always ignorant. I wish they saw what I saw and stop this negative judgemental crap they put on people, who think depressed people need to get over themselves. Everyone has to put on big pants and get over themselves. I'm not like them, I'm not depressed I'm always misunderstood.