You've been through some really painful experiences, but you're a survivor.

I can understand your conflict about your mother's death. A lot of us feel that way. My mother (who I'm not in contact with) recently told my sister that she doesn't want me to feel bad about not reconciling with her when she dies. (Just to be clear, my Mom's in her 70s but healthy as a horse. This is her being Drama Mama.) I told my sister that I honestly don't think I'll feel bad when she passes away. I'll be sad that we couldn't have a healthy relationship, but I won't regret removing her from my life.

Nightmares are very common when you're healing. When I started in 2008, I had horrible nightmares. It's part of healing. It's like your brain is flushing out the dark, disturbing stuff. It could go on for a while, but again, that's part of the healing. Are you going to therapy? If not, it might be a good idea to get some support, not just for what happened with your mother but also to heal emotionally from your pregnancy.

Hang in there. I know it's hell now, but as you work through the pain, it gets easier.