I have been in therapy for years and recently was diagnosed with insomnia due to ptsd. I have done some brain-spotting with my therapist. She explained to me what dissociation was, but I have had a hard time grasping the concept. Then we had some trust issues because of some miscommunication and I need to work through that with her.

Meanwhile, in this past week, I have been having memories of things. Not repressed, but things that happened when I was a teenager and young adult so were long ago (I'm over 50, female). I have been feeling like the world is wobbly. I feel like something is trying to come up out of somewhere. Some truth or fear or something. Then, just today, I had a clear memory of what I think must have been a series of dissociations I had when I was in my twenties. I was speaking in another voice, not mine in certain kinds of situations with certain people. And then, when I had my first child, I suddenly realized how odd I was behaving and just stopped it. And then completely forgot about it until just now. I have another memory of a very odd way I behaved once in reaction to something, very out-of-character for me, when I was around 13 or 14.

For several weeks I have had the impression that my therapist was worried about me. I was telling my friend about this. She said I should ask her. So I did. She said that during the brain spotting I presented once as very child-like (which is so not me). She thought I experienced a trauma as a child that I could not remember.

Something is very wrong. The world is wobbly. I feel like something is trying to push up into my conscious and I don't know what it is or what will happen when it does. I'm scared. I don't know what's happening to me and I don't know how to stay grounded. I can't see my counselor again until next Thursday.

Sorry, tried to edit this to be more concise, but just making it worse! Hope this makes sense to somebody. I doesn't make sense to me.