Today I have been really proactive with my health by taking meds as prescribed, going swimming for some exercise and organising things around my flat, but as the afternoon progresses, and despite the PRN I have taken, I feel desperate for a drink or a smoke. I want to rage at the world and have fun whatever the cost. I am wild inside. It is such a difficult spot to be in when trying to kick bad habits. I don't have much confidence I will be able to stop drinking right now, my mood is just too damn crazy. I would do anything to make it stop, so I get trashed every night for a break. This is a dangerous cycle I know but I am starting not to care.