Doooooood

1st, I TOTALLY get where you're coming from on this. I would LOVE to at least be average in size. After 14 years of marriage, etc, etc, I still would give my right arm to be average size. I think there are plenty of guys that feel just the same way as you.

But I do think you're handling it in a very unhealthy way. As advised above, I think time with a therapist would really help.