Perna,
yeah I thought about that too. I have discovered several things, one being all the 'no talk' rules she/they have. I'm aware at some level that most of the people who most bug me are the most like me. ugh.

Maybe this is my OCD, but I do try to find a lesson in life to do better - my goal out of this relationship is to pay attention to my gut...pay attention to the red flags I saw a long time ago ~ I think I invested far more than she did, who knows, maybe she feels just as badly. A couple years ago her dad died and I went to his funeral. That Fall, we invited them up to FIL's cabin. She kept 'disappearing' that weekend, and cause it was her birthday, I surprised her with cinnamon rolls for breakfast, when she came downstairs and saw the candles she turned right around and walked back upstairs. She wouldn't open the gift I brought either. I had heard she liked surprises, so I felt rebuffed.

I also don't want to give her any more 'free rent in my head'