I've posted on psych forums under many headings but they do all apply to my situation. Also hate being repetitious, but it occurred to me tonight how truly devastating this whole benzo withdrawal has been. Being on the med for 23 plus years straight without a break and then having some truly sadistic doctor take me off it cold turkey, while being held against my will due to a misrepresentation of my situation at a hospital. What a nightmare that was to start.

However, since this happened, I feel like I am having an existential crisis. Nothing seems right or as it was prior to this. I feel disconnected completely from "God". I was raised a Christian but now do not know what to believe. That just feels really, really wrong to me to my core. Everything I believed about life and the way it works it all twisted and warped. Now I am distrustful of people and just fear everything in life almost.

It's like I was ripped off the planet earth and I am floating around in space and don't know what to do with myself. I feel no sense of purpose any longer. I am unable to be a productive member of society. There is not much hope for the future for me socially, financially or spiritually. All that could be easier to cope with and reckon with if I could feel once again that there was the possibility of some spiritual connection...to anything!

As far as the pathology of the whole withdrawal syndrome, it really does not make sense, all this disconnection and feeling of being lost. That you do not remember much of what has happened for 20+ years of your life but you woke up in this nightmare, having lost everything you owned and knew all your life. It feels like one of those movies where in the future you live in a terrible dystopian existence. I have no idea how to overcome these all consuming feelings of nothingness. It's really bizarre!