I'm glad you go through it, and it actually sounds like wonderful "practice", especially being able to name your price, even if they reacted to it. I think that even if it's high, it's really good to know what you're worth and what you expect, and to be able to state that. If they balk, that's their problem, not yours! So, it sounds to me like you did great!

Are you actually considering taking the job? Because, I thought this was all for practice? If it makes you sick to your stomach, that would be a pretty strong indicator to me that it's not in line with your wants, needs, and the direction you need to be going. Can you do an internal check and see if there are any options that feel better? Like... it sounds like getting the job, but contracting, feels better - I know that they don't want that, but I wonder if it would be negotiable at all? Maybe you could do a proposal that shows why having this contracted out is better for them as well (i.e. they don't pay payroll taxes, they only pay for hours you work, no benefits, etc.)

It's not too late to start looking for other options! I would just hate to see you get sucked into a job where you already feel sick about it, before even working one day! I get that if you *have to* - i.e. you need a job now, and can't wait for something else to materialize, but I really just hate to see anyone go into a position like that. Plus, if you already feel sick over it, won't that affect your work performance? (I don't know, maybe you can shove that aside, but for me, hating my job definitely seems to make me less effective at it, which means it usually only gets worse - I get treated worse b/c I'm not a star performer, which makes me hate everyone more, which makes me act worse, and the cycle continues...)

And, I agree... I wouldn't see the chance to join the big company as a bonus.

You said you want a break... can you take one? Put it on hold, get it out of your mind, and go do something fun and relaxing... I'm not sure where you're at (if it's too cold to get outside) - but a walk, ice skating, a trip to the library, a movie... something to get you away from all this and to give your brain a little break?

I so wish there was a better way to find really great jobs that are interesting, let us contribute in ways that are meaningful to us, have great people to work with, plenty of time off, and good pay Ah, to dream!