I have worked through my attachment issues in therapy. I grew up without a mom and was abused by a nanny, and developed a preoccupied attachment style. I would become preoccupied with older women (like teachers) who felt maternal to me. I would think about them 24/7, hold onto every word they said, and constantly fear abandonment. I knew it wasn't healthy, but I didn't know how to change it.

I entered therapy 4 years ago because I was going through a break-up. But, pretty quickly, my throat became about my childhood trauma and attachment issues. It took me about 2 years, but I developed a secure attachment with my T. I trust her, I know she's safe, I can count on her to follow through, and I'm not preoccupied with any fears of abandonment and do not need any reassurance from her. My relationship with her is stable and consistent, and has been for years. With her, I have what I should have had with a mom growing up. I don't really "need" therapy at this point, but I like it and can afford it so I continue to go. Our sessions are largely conversational and full of laughter, or I work on little things like managing work stress or sticking to a New Year's resolution.

When I move, my relationship with T will end-- save the occasional check-in. It will be hard, but I'll be able to do it. I know that the caring won't end, just because the therapy sessions will. She's told me that her relationship with me is why she became a therapist, and I believe her. I don't know that a different therapist, or a less invested therapist, could have had this kind of impact. It also took time-- I've been with her for 4 years. It takes a long time to heal attachment wounds because they run so deep. my T has had such an important influence in my life, Ive actually decided that when I have a daughter (hopefully in the next few years) I'll give her T's name as a middle name. A lot of people give their children family names, but for me, my T provided the care and security that my family of origin did not.